Choose your tribe

Ever met someone and on first contact felt an instant connection? I have too. As human beings we are tribal and the importance of choosing your people is vital in creating a positive mental connection. This isn't just common sense, this is fact. We still have so much to learn about the human brain. As recently as the mid 90's a discovery of mirror neurons was made that proves the importance of choosing your company wisely. The study showed that when two monkeys' were put into an enclosure together and one was given peanuts the second monkey without the peanuts would mirror the exact same brain chemistry and pleasure functions as the other that was feeding, even though the second monkey had nothing. It is the same with humans and not just with food. When a friend or close person you know offloads if they have had a bad day for example, your brain will mirror those stress chemicals and adrenalin's in exactly the same way as the person that is offloading to you. To put it into perspective and it makes complete sense to me. If someone you are close to is animated and excited and upbeat we feel the same and it makes us happy. One of the factors for this is a neuro chemical that we produce called serotonin (our happy chemical). By sharing their positive experience with us they essentially gift us a 20% hit of their positive brain chemicals because we mirror them- how cool is that! Unfortunately it works the other way too if they are stressed or down or angry we can be left feeling the same way. So how do we use this information to improve our mental health? Do we quit being the shoulder to cry on when our friends or loved ones need us.....? I don't know if that is possible but I do think it is worth us knowing that if we have a grumble or a moan we should T.H.I.N.K before we speak- Is it ?

T - True.

H - Helpful,

I - Inspiring

N - Necessary

K - Kind

We have to be there to support and help our friends but I suppose we just need to manage the amount that we let them offload on to us. Do they continuously complain about the same thing over and over or is this a one off? Why is it not healthy for them or for us if they keep going over the same old problems....? Watch out for my next blog where I will be talking about how our brains do not know the difference between imagination and reality where I will be sharing more about what happens chemically when we constantly talk about the past. In the mean time maybe next time you bump into that friend who likes to have a moan at how bad their life is perhaps instead of asking them 'how are you?' (which is a green light to have a grumble) instead greet them with 'Hi - whats been good?' Their response might surprise you.